The One Person You Never Really Get Over by Ryan O'Connell

There will always be that one person you’ll never really get over. I know, I know, Connie Chung delivering groundbreaking news over here, but it’s true. Sure, you can go days, weeks, months, years without thinking of them but the second you see their face or their name gets mentioned in passing, your stomach drops and you feel like you could puke. You’ve lost control and all of these feelings suddenly rise to the surface to say, “Sup? Have you missed us?’ You’ll hate yourself for this, for all of it. You won’t be able to recognize why this one person can still garner this type of reaction. Why is your mind punking you? It almost feels like a betrayal. You want to give your emotions a stern talking to and say, “Um, hi. I thought we were over this? So why am I getting super nervous and spazzy at the mere mention of their name? You promised me that we were over this, brain. THANKS A LOT.”

You’re not over this person because you still want to see them naked. If they wanted you at this moment, you would leave everything and come to them. It almost feels good knowing that you want someone so bad. You spend so much of your time feeling indecisive about things but this is the one thing that remains the same. It drives you insane but it also brings a certain level of comfort, doesn’t? “No matter what happens, I will always want to lie my naked body next to yours.”

You’re not over this person because they still have the ability to piss you off. A simple insensitive comment made in passing can affect you worse than an insult from your best friend. Why? Why? WHY? That’s all you ask yourself as you sit, licking your wounds. It’s important to not question this too much. It’s fruitless. It just is. Maybe one day they won’t piss you off. Maybe one day you’ll feel nothing. Hope for nothing, accept everything.

You’re not over this person because you can still remember the little details, like the way their sweat smelled (ew, make that memory go away), their favorite song at seventeen, or a day you held hands in the backseat of a car.  These memories still reduce you to mush all of these years later. Can you believe it? How can some lovers evaporate the day they leave you and others stay way past their welcome? Who gets to choose who gets left behind and who gets to stick? Not you.

You’re not over this person probably because they could never love you back the way you wanted them to, the way you needed them to. They were a defective toy that couldn’t be fixed at the shop. This made you so angry and so sad and you tried just so damn hard and everyone knew it but it didn’t work. Not one bit. Because of this, your business with them will always seem unfinished. You couldn’t conquer them and seal the deal, which made getting any kind of closure difficult. Your closure needs to be done on your own. You have to accept that this person will never give you the answers you want them to.

It sucks to have this one person in your life that can derail you at a moment’s notice. But in a way, it feels good knowing that you could ever love someone so much. Or that’s what you tell yourself anyway. It doesn’t matter if something is true or not. The things we tell ourselves can become our truth.

(The One Person You Never Really Get Over by Ryan O'Connell)

It's Always Just Gonna Be Him

There are just some people you never get over. The one who got away, your great love - which in reality is only so great because of how you did not end up together. The endless possiblities and what-ifs. The stolen glances and accidental brushes. The uncertainty of where you both stand. The teasing, pushing and pulling. The years that have passed by. The moment you come across each other again after a long time, the awkward greeting and polite conversation. The sceptical goodbye and lingering look. The difficulty to try and not look back only to catch him already looking back. The next time you come across each other and he's now more confident. The reminding of the past and re-learning of him again. His cockiness clashing with his dorkiness. The difference between the guy you know and the guy he is now but still being hung up on him. After all this time and never letting go. How pathetic it is and how pathetic you are.

Now That You're Gone by Elizabeth Berry

After you died I opened every window of the Advent calendar you insisted we savor day by day, just like your Nana taught you, and ate every single chocolate under each flap in one go. It was the best way I could think to tell you to screw yourself for leaving me here alone.

For leaving me alone with my mother and your mother and their crying and her creepy photos from when you still had red hair and these f-cking casseroles from all the neighbors who yelled at us for playing our music too loud and my boss who it’s still not that funny that he keeps hitting on me but we used to laugh it off because we needed the money and the friends who are equally as afraid to be around me as they are to leave me alone and everything else that is crappy and isn’t you.

With you gone, I never remember to record Jon Stewart so we can watch them all one Saturday. I forget to rinse the dishes before loading them into the dishwasher, so they always come out crusty and still dirty just like you said they would.

Now that you’re gone, people keep asking me what I’m going to do with your clothes and all your things — if I need help boxing them up. I keep telling them that I was thinking of putting them in display cases and turning the living room into a museum in your honor, but they always look creeped out and I feel sick because that was the kind of thing that would have made you laugh.

I should probably mention that I’m so sorry, but I broke your ugly debate trophy from high school that you were so proud of, I smashed it against the floor, so it probably wouldn’t look very good on display even if I was serious about that idea. I was just so mad — I was wearing the sweater I wore the night you told me that you were sure you had spent your entire life looking for me and I knew I was safe forever — I was so mad because I know now that wasn’t true.

I was so mad because now you’re gone and not here and all I have are your shirts which are losing the smell of you and your damn dog who still sleeps on our bed, and the ring I found in your drawer that you never got to give me.

All I can do it lay here and hold this damn ring and imagine all the things I want to say to you but can’t, and how they all boil down to: F-ck you, I miss you, and I love you — oh, how I love you.

(Now That You're Gone by Elizabeth Berry)